What's the Secret to Getting Her Back?

People use many different expressions for their desire to get a relationship with their ex back.

You can say you want to get her back, bring her back, or even persuade her back.

Of all the ways you can phrase it, thinking how to win her back is the most appropriate.

Here's why..

Getting back together with your love is not about you "getting" her back, or even about "repairing" the relationship. It is about "winning" her back.

Winning her back implies a few important things.

It implies effort on your part.

More specifically, it implies putting effort toward improving yourself so that your ex will want to come back to you and this is, in essence, what it's all about.

You see, in order to convince your woman that you deserve another chance, she has to believe the relationship will be different than before the breakup.

The best way to encourage this belief within her is for her to see (and believe) that YOU are a changed, and better improved, man. ('Cause you are, right? Or you're working towards it.)

There simply isn't another equally effective way to win her love back then for her to believe that you have changed for the better, for yourself, and for the relationship.

There is something very important that you need to do to win her love back, and it's not these things:

• Stalk her (yes, it's obvious, but you'd be surprised...) 
• Argue with her for her to see her faults
• Fish for sympathy by acting depressed 
• Buy her a gift or write a poem 
• Manipulate her with some kind of leverage (sex, money, jealousy, etc.) 
• Tell her over and over how much you love her 

If you can avoid using any of these tactics to try and get her back, you'll already be way ahead of most people.

So what you have to do is...

She will need to perceive you as changed in positive ways.

But, there is another essential ingredient... you need to raise the level of attraction between you and your ex to a boiling point.

The perception of change makes her willing to give it another shot.

BUT, It's the attraction that convinces her to get back together.

How to Get Back with Your Ex Girlfriend

If you are determined to win your ex girlfriend back, here is a bit of information that may help.

It may not be easy and it might not even work, but if you don't try then you will never know, right?

You also need to understand that some relationships are just not meant to be, and if that is the case with yours - then don't even waste your time and effort.

Sounds tough to hear...but let's be realistic.

Instead, look elsewhere for comfort and a new beginning. However, the main objective here is to get back with your ex girlfriend.

So how is this done?

First, you need to be in control of your emotions. This is not an easy one right now, since emotions are obviously running high for both of you. It is difficult to try and focus when one minute you are angry and the next filled with agony.

It will require a conscious effort to control your emotions, but if you stay focused then you have the opportunity to prove yourself.

Don't even think about retaliation if you want to get back with her. Most guys retaliate after a break up and this definitely will make things worse than they already are. You don't need this.

Jealousy will do nothing for her to want to be with you again, so don't even go there. If anything, making her jealous will cause her to mistrust you and it will push her away from you even more.

Also, you want to give your ex the time and space she needs. So avoid contacting her, especially right after the break up.

This is probably one of the most difficult things to do, but it is something you must do. It gives her a chance to miss you. Until she misses you, she won't want anything to do with you.

You do want to get out and about. Staying home will do nothing but allow your emotions to fester. You will just worry and wonder what she is up to. These won't be happy thoughts. Don't stay lonely. Instead, get out with your friends.

If you want advice on how to approach her again and where she's at with things in her head, then talk to a good friend of her. You should come across as genuinely regretful.

The more information you can gather on how your ex feels about you and your relationship, the better you can plan your approach.

3 Crucial Tips to Winning Her Heart Back

Because I've been in your situation, I want you to be able to get an ex girlfriend back and for you to want to be with you forever.

You will ALWAYS have much more success in patching a relationship back up if you do these two things:

1. Always go with your gut

The mind and heart can clutter us with thoughts and emotions, sometimes well-intentioned though not always right -- but it is our gut that leads us in the right direction. Learning to follow your instincts will usually always give you the right answer.

2. Get good advice

Listen to people that have been in the same shoes or have fit into similar ones. Go to those you trust for advice. Don't let someone lead you the wrong way 'cause they can't relate, or because they don't have the best intentions. Or don't let a friend tell you what you WANT to hear, rather than what is best for YOU.

3. Be honest with yourself first

It is especially important to be honest with who you are, what you want in life, and why you want your ex girlfriend back. By doing so, you will then be able to approach her with vulnerability, perhaps a side of you she hasn't seen before. This will pique her interest 'cause the REAL you has come out.

If you want your ex girlfriend back, try this easy trick.

To get her back you want to do what works for you first.

This is where you have to decide if you really want to be with her and if she is worth pursuing. Is it HER you really miss, or the IDEA of being in a relationship?

Always go about things by being REAL with yourself. Don't hide behind your ego or think that doing the opposite of your true self will work for you. It won't.

Until you can sort out what it is you really want, you're not ready to begin going after her.

Let's assume that you have given the above a green light. And it is HER you really want back in your life.

Because you are the one that wants her back more than she wants you. And she frankly might not want anything to do with you at this point. Then you have to go about things a bit differently then if she was begging for you back. You have to do what works for her.

If she says she wants space, give her space. If she says she doesn't want to talk to you again, don't contact her.

The magic in this is that she will expect you to act one way, but you are doing another. This will pique her curiosity. She's been thinking that you are right there waiting for her. But when she can't predict your behavior, she will get worried. This will cause her to wonder about you. And that is the first step to getting her interested in you again.

Breakup Grief - Is Heartbreak Harder on Men or Women?

What would you say if I told you that breakups are harder on men than on women?

Surprised?

Maybe not. Especially if you're going through one right now.

Women have this misnomer that men have an easier time initiating a breakup, when in actuality it's just as difficult - if not more so - for men to pull the plug.

Men are hit harder by heartbreak than women are.

This means that when men are hurt by someone they care about, they have a more difficult time coping than women do.

Why?

When men are going through tough times, they often go to their confidant for support. This means that a guy will turn to his girlfriend or spouse in times of need.

So if the problems are about the relationship, he can't exactly go to who he always goes to!

He might feel he has nowhere else to turn, or that he can't open up to anyone about what he's going through.

This is because at a young age guys are conditioned to bottle up their emotions. By ignoring emotions, this can make things worse. The feelings don't go away, so in turn, you feel hopeless.

While women are encouraged to talk to their friends when things are going downhill in their lives, or are told to write in a journal or watch a sappy movie, men are told to just let things go.

But that's easier said than done, as you may already know.

Men often don't have someone that can give them a reality check with their emotions.

This is why having close friends are so important. It can get us through the rough patches and keep our emotions in line.

When we are dealing with a breakup and any consequent heartbreak, friends are a healthy way to help dust us off, and give us some pep to get back out there again.

Whether you are a guy or a girl going through breakup grief, it's important to take control of your emotions.

Don't lie on the couch waiting for time to lick up your wounds. This won't happen.

Instead, you have to actively deal with your emotions and make yourself feel better. Do things that make you happy. Work on being the best self you can be.

Do THIS When You're Suddenly Single

Right now it's not easy just to brush off, pick up, and move on.

But you can't change the fact she dumped you, or you broke it off with her and then changed your mind. Right now, you have to deal with it. And may I add...as best you can!

She will hope you will try and move on. Actually, she will want you to. It will be easier on her. This doesn't mean you have to hook up with someone else. What this means is that you still have a life. You still go out with your friends. Trust me, she will NOT forget about you overnight.

If anything, you will be MORE appealing to her come reconciliation time, when you try and get her back with a different attitude.

You don't want to walk around the house sulking in your PJ's. This will do NOTHING for you to try and win her back.

You will want to continue your life, and if you lost yours in the process - create a new one.

Continue your hobbies and interests. Start new ones. Get back together with old friends. Meet new ones. Take on new work projects of interest. Try dating.

Yes, I said it...

Try dating.

Meet new women as friends.

It's not about making her jealous. That will eventually back-fire on you.

Creating a 'new life' is what it's all about.

By meeting new people, you will learn what it is you want for yourself.
You will discover what it is that you didn't get from your ex, but you wanted.

It may solidify that it is really HER that you want, rather than a bruised EGO or the IDEA of her.

So get out there and have some fun. Will ya?!

Be genuine with the women you meet. Be honest that you recently went through a break-up and are looking for new friends. Spare the gory details! No one wants to be your relationship counselor. Save that for therapy, if needed.

When you're on an Internet dating site, you can select 'friendship' as what you are looking for. Also, you can 'hide' your picture, if you don't want the public or your ex to see. I have another blog called Internet Dating Advice for Men to help you out with online dating.

It's worth a shot to try online dating. You can't feel worse rejection than the one you are dealing with right now. Besides, it will feel good to know that you are STILL desired by women. You won't know this unless you get out there.

It's not just time that heals wounds, it's EFFORT on your part.